MARWARI WEDDING RITUALS

Considered to be one of the richest communities of India, the Marwaris originally hail from the royal state of Rajasthan. Taking pride in their inherent culture, the Marwaris are richly endowed with the intrinsic customs and rituals. To this day, their weddings reflect a grandness that is seldom seen elsewhere. Marwari weddings are lavish and grand with a host of pre and post wedding ceremonies stretching over a number of days. They are usually royal and majestic with a large number of guests. Marwari weddings are grand in every aspect be it food or décor.

PRE-WEDDING RITUALS

Sagai/Tika: This marks the start to an extravagant wedding ceremony. Sagai (engagement) refers to the formal ceremony wherein the alliance is formally announced. It takes place at the groom's house and involves only male members. The bride's father, brother and close male members visit the groom's place. The bride's brother then applies tika (tilak) to the groom's forehead as a sign to formalize the bond. The groom is then given gifts which includes a sword, clothes, sweets, fruits and the likes. 

Ganapati sthapana and Griha shanti: Ganapati sthapana and griha shanti refers to the havan that takes place at both the bride's and groom's respective homes a few days prior to the wedding. An idol of Lord Ganesha is installed so that the wedding festivities proceed without any hurdle. 

Pithi dastoor/Baan: This is one of the most important pre-wedding ritual which involves the bride/groom and continues until the day of the wedding. The actual ceremony involves the application of turmeric and sandalwood paste to the bride/groom. Custom goes that once this ceremony starts, the bride/groom are not supposed to venture out of their houses. The pithi dastoor ritual is held with much fanfare at the bride's house. Dressed in an orange poshak (Rajasthani attire), the bride is brought under a silken canopy which is held with the help of four swords by four ladies belonging to the same clan as of the bride. Dholans (women singers with dholak) sing auspicious songs while the ceremony is in progress. 

Mehfils: An integral part of every Rajasthani wedding, mehfils are an occasion of merry-making. Held in the evening, they are held separately for men and women. Traditional ghoomar dance is performed at the ladies' mehfil where all the ladies take part in. A special seating is reserved for the bride from where she can enjoy all the performances. The men have their own mehfil with singers performing; entry to this is strictly prohibited for women.  

Mahira dastoor: Mahira dastoor takes place at both the bride's and the groom's houses. This ceremony is performed by the maternal uncle (mama) of the bride/groom who along with his wife is received with much gaiety by the bride/groom's mother. The uncle then distributes clothes, jewelry, sweets, cash to the entire family. This ritual is based on an old custom when it was believed that it is the duty of the brother to help his sister at the time of wedding when expenses are considerably high. 

Janev: The janev ritual is only meant for the groom. The groom dressed in saffron clothes performs a havan and wears a sacred thread. He is given two options now: one of becoming an ascetic and the other to be a householder. The groom makes a mock attempt to escape from the institution of marriage. This is when his maternal uncle persuades him into assuming his responsibility as a householder. 

Palla dastoor: This ritual is performed either on the day of the wedding or a day prior. Some of the groom's relatives arrive at the bride's place and presents her with the wedding outfit, jewelry and other gifts. The bride is supposed to adorn herself in these for the wedding ceremony. 

Nikasi: This ritual involves the tying of the groom's sehra (headgear). It is traditionally tied by the groom's brother-in-law. Once the sehra is in place, the groom's sister-in-law applies kajal (kohl) in his eyes while the groom's sister ties golden threads to the reins of the mare. The groom's party is now ready to start the journey to the wedding venue. 

WEDDING RITUALS

Baraat: A Rajasthani baraat consists of only male members. The procession looks regal and traditionally, does not involve any dancing. Every member including the groom carries a majestic sword. The groom generally rides a mare or sometimes an elephant. 

Toranachar: The entrance of the bride's house or the wedding venue is decorated with a toran. As custom goes, the groom hits the toran with a stick of neem to ward off the evil eye. Following this, the bride's mother does aarti and applies tilak to the groom and lead him inside the venue. 

Jaimala: The bride is now brought out with her face fully covered. The couple now exchanges garlands and are led to another mandap where the main rituals are to be performed. The groom is accompanied by a single male relative (generally his younger brother). 

Granthi bandhan: Granthi bandhan refers to the tying of the eternal knot between the two individuals. One end of the bride's dupatta is tied to the scarf of the groom by the groom's sister or the priest. 

Paanigrahan: This ritual involves the groom taking the bride's hand in his hand, promising to stand by each other in good times or bad. 

Pheras: Amidst the chanting of mantras by the priest, the bride and the groom circle around the sacred fire. Mostly, only four pheras take place in the mandap, with the bride leading the first two. Three pheras generally take place immediately after the jaimala in a Marwari wedding. 

Ashwahrohan: In this ritual, the bride puts her right foot on a grinding stone. The custom is symbolic of steadfastness and courage. The brother of the bride then puts kheel (puffed rice) into her hands which are then passed to the groom and offered to the holy fire. This ritual symbolizes the brother's happiness and wishes of prosperity for the newlyweds. 

Vamang sthapana: During all the performed rites till now, the bride sits on the right side of the groom. In the vamang sthapana ceremony, the groom requests her to change position and shift to his left side. This is symbolic of the fact that the groom accepts his bride and establishes her in his heart (since the heart is on the left side of the body). 

Sindurdaan: The vamang sthapana ceremony is followed by the sindurdaan wherein the groom fills the bride's hair parting with sindoor (vermillion). This is highly auspicious.  

Saptapadi: Saptapadi refers to the ritual when the bride and the groom walk seven steps together. While walking, they make seven promises to each other. Post this, pherphatta is carried out which signifies that the bride can now freely proceed to her new home. The groom's sister then adorns the bride's hair  which is known as sargunthi. This signifies that the bride has been accepted by the groom's family.  

Anjhala bharaai: In this ritual, the groom's father puts a bag full of money in the bride's lap. It is his way of welcoming her into the family and also making her aware of the responsibilities. The bride then distributes a part of the money to her sister-in-law and her groom. The couple now gets up from the mandap and takes the blessings of the elders by touching their feet. 

Paharavani: The groom is now taken for paharavani wherein he is made to sit on asana (a new cloth) and is welcomed by a tika. He is given gifts in the form of money, clothes and other things for personal use. The female members of the bride's family then involves the groom in the fun-filled shloka kahalai sesstion when he is made to recite poems (dohas). The groom's father is also presented with a silver utensil (kachola).  

POST-WEDDING RITUALS

Bidai: The bride worships the dahleez (threshold) of her paternal home and breaks an earthen lamp (diya) on it. The couple is now escorted out for their farewell. A coconut is placed under the wheel of the car. The bride finally lifts the veil for her husband following which the groom gifts a piece of jewelry to his wife. The newlyweds finally leave for the groom's home. 

Bar rukai: This ritual involves the groom's sister when she doesn't allow the newlyweds to enter the house. Only when the groom and the bride together gifts her either in cash or other form, are they allowed to proceed for their grihapravesh. 

Grihapravesh: The newlyweds are welcomed inside with a puja. The bride puts on the veil again for all the ceremonies that are to follow.  

Pagelagni: The next day, the ritual of pagelagni takes place. The bride, still in veil, is formally introduced to all the family members of the groom who blesses her and presents her with gifts. The veil is then finally removed.

9 Days of Navratri ... !

First day of Navratri – Kalasha Sthapana (Kalasha Pooja) or Ghata Sthapana – Shailaputri Puja
Second day of Navratri – Preeti Dwitiya – Brahmacharini Puja
Third day of Navaratri – Chandrakanta pooja or Chandraghanta puja
Fourth day of Navaratri – Kushmanda pooja
Fifth day of Navratri – Skandamata Puja – Lalitha Panchami
Sixth day of Navratri – Katyayani Puja – Maha Shashti or Durga Shashti
Seventh day of Navratri – Kaalratri Pooja – Durga Saptami or Maha Sapthami
Eighth day of Navaratri – Maha Gauri Pooja – (Durgashtami Puja/Maha Ashtami/Veerashtami)
Ninth day of Navaratri – Siddhidatri Puja – (Mahanavami/Maharnavami or Durga Navami)
Tenth day of Navratri – Aparajitha Puja or Shami Pooja – Vijaya Dashami or Dasara



Nine Forms Of MAA Durga Devi:
Mata Shailputri – First Avatara of Durga :Mata Shailputri is a daughter of ‘Parvata raju’ (mountain king) – Himalaya / Himvanth. She is the first among nine avatars of Durga and worshiped on the First day of Navaratri . In her previous birth, she was ‘Sati Bhavani Mata’, the daughter of King Daksha. Mata Shailputri, also known as Parvati got married with Lord Shiva. On the first day of Durga Navratri,  Paravathi Devi she is worshipped. Mata Shailputri holds a ‘Trishul’, a weapon, in her right hand and a lotus in her left hand. She rides on bull. She has pleasant smile and blissful looks.



Mata Brahmacharini – Second Avatara of Durga :
Mata Brahmacharini is worshipped on second day of Navarathri.  Brahmacharini is the goddess who performed ‘Tapa’ (penance) (Brahma – Tapa , Charini - Performer ). Mata personifies love and loyalty. She holds  japa mala in her right hand and Kamandal in left hand. She is also called as ‘Uma’ and ‘Tapacharini’ and provides knowledge and wisdom to her devotees.






Mata Chandraghanta – Third Durga :Mata Chadraghanta is worshipped on the thrid day of Navratri. She is very bright and charming. Durga Maa is astride a tiger, displays a golden hue to HER skin, possesses ten hands and 3 eyes. Eight of HER hands display weapons while the remaining two are respectively in the mudras of gestures of boon giving and stopping harm. Chandra + Ghanta, meaning supreme bliss and knowledge, showering peace and serenity, like cool breeze in a moonlit night.









Mata Kushmanda – Fourth Durga :Mata Kushmanda is worshipped on the fourth day of Navrathri. . She shines brightly with a laughing face in all ten directions as the Sun. She controls whole Solar system. In her eight hands, she holds several types of weapons in six hands and a rosary and a lotus in remaining hands. She rides on Lion. She likes offerings of ‘Kumhde’, hence her name ‘Kushmanda’ has become popular.





Ma Skanda Mata – Fifth Durga :Skanda Mata is worshipped on the fifth Day of Navratri.  She had a son ‘Skandaa and holds him on her lap . She has  three eyes and  four hands; two hands hold lotuses while the other 2 hands respectively display defending and granting gestures. Its said, by the mercy of Skandmata, even the idiot becomes an ocean of knowledge. The great and legendary Sanskrit Scholar Kalidas created his two masterpieces works  “Raghuvansh Maha Kavya” and “Meghdoot” by the grace of  Skandmata. Mata is considered as a deity of fire. She rides on Lion.





Mata Katyayani – Sixth Durga :Mata Katyayani is worshippedon the the Sixth Day of Navratri. Rishi Katyayan observed a penance to get Jaganmata as his daughter. She blessed him and took birth as his daughter on the bank of river Jamuna for getting Lord Krishna as a husband. She is considered as prime deity of Vraj mandal. Ma Katyayani has three eyes and four hands. . One left hand holds a weapon and the other a lotus She rides on Lion.



Mata Kalratri – Seventh Durga :Mata Kalaratri is worshipped on the Seventh Day of Navratri .  She is dark and black like night, hence she is called as ‘Kalratri’. Her hairs are unlocked and has three eyes and four hands.while the remaining 2 are in the mudras of “giving” and “protecting”. HER vahana is a faithful donkey. The destroyer of darkness and ignorance.  She spills out fire from her nostrils. She holds a sharp Sword in her right hand and blesses her devotees with her lower hand. As she blesses her devotees with prosperity, she is also called as ‘Shubhamkari’.





Mata Maha Gauri – Eighth Durga :Mata Maha Gowri is worshipped on the Eight Day of Navratri. Maha Gauri looks as white as moon and jasmine. She has three Eyes and four hands. Peace and compassion radiate from HER being and SHE is often dressed in a white or green sari. SHE holds a drum and a trident and is often depicted riding a bull . Her above left hand is in fearless pose and she holds ‘Trishul’ in her lower left hand. Her above right hand has tambourine and lower right hand is in blessing mudra.





Mata Siddhidatri – Ninth Durga :Mata Siddhidatri is the worshipped on the Ninth Day of Navratri. Maha Shakti gives all the eight siddhis – Anima, Mahima, Garima, Laghima, Prapti, Prakamya, Iishitva and Vashitva. According to ‘Devi Puran’, the supreme God Shiva got all these siddhis by worshipping the supreme Goddess Maha Shakti. With her gratitude, his half body has become of Goddess, hence Lord Shiva’s name ‘Ardhanarishvar’ has become famous. According to some sources she drives on Lion. Other sources say, she is seated on lotus. Siddhidatri Devi is worshipped by all Gods, Rushis, Muniswaras, Siddha yogis, and all common devotees who want to attain the religious asset.



Happy Navratra's to you all !!

People with Plastic and changing Faces ..... !!!

 

Most of the people who meet me for the first time may not like my upfront nature. At the same time I am a very closed person when it comes to talking about personal stuff.
In today's corporate world it is more about how much personal stuff you share with your peers or seniors. In a way the bosses expect you to be there second wife who will share everything that happens in your life and they don't even think before disclosing them in the team meetings or leadership meets etc. One of my very good friends once told me that people always warned her about me. They said to her that I am very political and double faced, that I am very dishonest etc.


Not to forget they are the same people I helped once, and they don't like me because of whatever they tried to put me down I came back up double faster.Sometimes I feel that I don't know human behavior as it always surprises me and make me feel that I am just a beginner.

It is kind of hard for me to grasp the notion of being extra sweet and accepting what happens around me with ease. In this materialistic butt kissing world, people surprise me with their actions. It has nothing to do with respect or manners as opposed to doing the right thing. I don’t like someone, I am not going to waste my energy or wave away my principles to wear a fake smile on my face just to appear sweet and be good in their eyes. In today’s world people wear more plastic on their faces than the Tupperware Company has globally. 

I hate two faced people, It's hard to decide which face to slap first. We go through life and meet a lot of people. Some make you happy, some make you smile, some can be counted and then there are some whom you would rather not have ever met. There are lots of reasons that would make you want to avoid meeting certain people like they are mean or evil. Mainly though I am talking about personality types which are difficult to deal with and just better to be avoided all together. Sometimes it takes some time before we realize a person we know is on the bad list. Some of us take longer than others to connect the dots.

Like the two faces of a coin we come across the double faced people in our lives. They are nice to you and then turn around and say the worse things ever about. We all are polite to most people and might be inclined to say mean things when we are with people whom we trust but such people usually do this all the time and have another agenda.

Over the time I learned that the best way to deal with them is to stay away from them. The problem is that sometimes you might not have that option. Once you have been back stabbed or betrayed, you always have the option of confrontation, people who feel the need to act that way are usually cowards and can be scared off by just telling them that you know what they’re doing, of course they will deny but it will stop them for some time.

I have now after suffering with being so close to some of them found that the best way is to not tell them anything, not to get close and to keep all conversations to a minimum of small talk. Never ever go down to their level and do what they usually have a habit to do. Avoid private time with them if you can too, be cordial and polite but don’t get sucked into the little soap operas that seem to always unfold around them. Stay away from situations where they gossip and make it clear that you are nice enough to deal with everyone. If you can’t stay away ignore them and never agree with them or offer your opinion on someone else or they will turn around, twist your words and use them against you somehow, they are double crosser by definition.

After coming across some of them, the ones that were once so close and dear to me that i still sometimes feel the same love and respect for them but I guess that is me not them,one faced the same me who never changed or will change being myself or the true self. It really annoys me and I never really understand how they are like that. They were talking to me and being openly friendly the whole time to my face. I am a very honest and sincere and have been true to everyone in my life. I may say I am not perfect but I'm not rude, cruel and diplomat like them and if I have an issue with someone I will prefer to tell them. We have to accept that we are all hypocrites to some degree. It is only natural for everyone to put their own interests first. We must trust others in order to survive but that trust must be tempered with good judgment. Often our expectations of others are not realistic and we end up hurt. So it is better if we accept the least and I would appreciate if even others try to be honest with me .Do not allow the lies and filth that spew from the mouths of the uneducated and cruel garner your spirit, allow no pain from those that are of mean and devious mind. Feel only pity and contempt for them .In this way they will be diminished and vanquished.

The Law of Karma

The law of Karma is a fundamental spiritual law in eastern spiritual teachings. Most people would have heard of the term Karma. Karma basically stands for action, and also the fruits of action. In other words, it stands for both cause and effect. The basic idea of karma is that of personal responsibility for one’s actions - that we are creators of our life. Whatever is currently manifesting in our life has been created by us, with or without awareness, by our past actions. Thus the law of karma basically says that man is the product of his past. Righteous actions bring favorable results, and unrighteous actions bring unfavorable results. Karma can be done with our mind - manifesting as emotions, with our intellect manifesting as thoughts and through our body manifesting as actions/words.




Karma is often misunderstood to only mean the law of destiny. When something unfavorable happens, people say with “It’s only karma”, meaning we are powerless to do anything about it. Some others condemn the law as being overly pessimistic, as it seems to say that many things are predestined thanks to our past, of which we have no control over. It is true that man’s present is the consequence of the past, and in this sense, the present has been destined by past actions. However karma goes beyond destiny. Although there is a price to pay for past actions, man also has been blessed with the capacity to choose his actions. The past actions creates in him a tendency by which he will act. However by being aware of those tendencies, he can consciously choose how to act in the present, and thereby begin to change his karma. Thus the future is a continuation of the past, unless modified by the present, with self-effort.


Although we enjoy freedom to choose our actions, our present actions are mixed with the tendencies that are created by our past. Greater the tendencies, harder it is to change our actions. This is why people find self-improvement difficult. Knowing what to do and being able to do it are two different things, as change involves fighting our tendencies that we ourselves created by our past actions. Thus looking back at the past, man is the product of it. Looking into the future, man is the creator of it. Looking into the present moment, he is both a product as well as a creator. In unawareness, he becomes more of a victim, and in awareness, he becomes more of a creator.


One may wonder how all our actions are kept track of and bear the fruits of pleasure and pain. Is there some God that keeps track of all this? It can seem very mystical at first. In reality, it is very much scientifically explained. Each time a person does an action with a sense of doer-ship (ego), impressions are created in his mind. Every impression is a karma. Stronger the impression, more likely it is to manifest. All habits are nothing but karmas. Whether it is a good or habit, the person keeps doing it without having to put too much effort. All addictions are nothing but very strong mental impressions, and thus part of the person’s karma. A person who has an addiction has a pattern of behavior that he is very likely to repeat, that is not easy to change.



Karma is classified into the following three types:

1) Sanchita karma:

This is the total of our karmas. The set of arrows that an archer carries on his quiver is an example of sanchita karma. This is the sum total of karmic possibilities that are currently unmanifest. Since this is unmanifest, we have the option to burn these karmas by right action. All spiritual practices such as meditation, being in devotion/prayer, doing self-less service burns sanchita karma. In the above example of the archer, it is making sure the archer drops the arrows on the ground so he no longer has the possibility of firing them.

2) Prarabdha Karma:
Karma that is currently bearing fruit is called prarabdha karma. In the example of the archer, the arrow that the archer has already shot is his prarabdha karma. The archer has already done the action, and he has to face the consequences of them, good or bad. Practically speaking, the life that we are experiencing in the present moment is our prarabdha. This includes the type of body we have, the environment around us, the type of people we are with etc. Prarabdha karma is thus that portion of our karma that may be called destiny.

A common question people ask is “Why do bad things happen to good people”? Prarabdha karma is the answer. A person may be good today, but he is paying a karmic debt for his past actions. Another question that lead to doubt/reject the law is "How come some people who perform bad deeds seem to have a good time:?" Again the answer is prarabdha karma. The person who is doing the bad deeds is currently experiencing the fruits of past deeds, which was good. Eventually he will have to pay the price for the actions done today as well. The effect of karma spans multiple life-times, and thus the law seems to be not working only because we are limiting our observation to a very short time period.

3) Agami Karma:

This is future karma - actions that we are likely to do in future. In the example of the archer, this is the arrow which the archer is about to shoot. Mental impressions that are very strong form agami karma. If a person drinks alcohol regularly, this is his agami karma. It is very likely that he would drink today, given that he has acquired that strong tendency by regularly drinking.


The three practical takeaways are:

Prarabdha karma, in other words destiny, makes man a victim of his past. There is nothing a person can do about consequences from his past - he has to endure them. If he endures them without reacting to them, then he does not accumuate further karma.

At the same time, the law of karma encourages that man can change his future by present actions. With self-effort, man can burn off his sanchita and agami karma, while still enduring his pradabdha karma. With consistent effort, man become more of a master of his own destiny, and less a victim of the past.

Finally, lest man not be discouraged by the lack of results from his effort in the short term, the law of karma explains that the lack of results could be due to an opposing force - his own prarabdha karma, which determines the level of effort required to bring about positive change in his life.



in  the words of Sudhir Krishnan

Fear of rejection

What is fear of rejection?
What common behavior patterns exist for people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
How do others react to people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
What are some underlying causes for operating out of a fear of rejection?
Steps to overcome the fear of rejection

What is fear of rejection?
Fear of rejection is the:

Irrational fear that others will not accept me for who I am, what I believe, and how I act.  A Caution in my behavior and interactions with others. State of mind that makes me incapable of doing or saying anything for fear of others' rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval.

State of being of individuals who are over-dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others in order to feel good about themselves. In order to sustain personal feelings of adequacy these individuals are constantly concerned with the reactions of others to them. Self-censoring attitude that inhibits creativity, productivity, and imagination in one's approach.

Driving force behind many people that keeps them from being authentic human beings. They are so driven by the need for acceptance of others that they lose their own identity in the process. They mimic the ways in which others act, dress, talk, think, believe, and function. They become the three-dimensional clones of the ``role models'' they so desperately need to emulate in order to gain acceptance.

Underlying process in the power of ``peer pressure'' that grabs hold and makes people act in stereotypic, ``pop'' culture, counter culture, punk, new wave, preppie, yuppie, and other styles. They crave recognition and acceptance from the reference group with whom they want to be identified.

Energy-robbing attitude that leads to self immobilization, self-defeating, and self-destructive behavior. This attitude encourages ongoing irrational thinking and behavior, resulting in personal stagnation, regression, and depression.

Driving force of some people for all actions in their lives. It plays a part in their choices concerning their education, career direction, work behavior, achievement level, interpersonal and marital relationships, family and community life, and the ways in which they spend leisure time.

Act of giving to others more power than I give to myself over how I feel about myself. What the others say or feel about me is the determinant of how I feel about myself. I am completely at the mercy of others for how happy or sad I will be. My self-satisfaction and belief in myself is in their hands. Fear of rejection is the abdication of power and control over my own life.

What common behavior patterns exist for people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
People who operate out of a fear of rejection:
Display little or no assertiveness. Do not speak up and let others know how they feel about something, especially if their opinions differ.

Function as enablers. They have neither the courage nor the ability to assist others in discontinuing self-destructive behavior, e.g., alcohol or drug abuse, underachievement or workaholism.

Lack the courage to function differently from others, even when they don't enjoy the behavior in which they are involved.

Resort to passive/aggressive behavior; that is dishonest, sneaky, and allows for no open communication.

Play games with people. They will keep their personal feelings hidden. They are in tune with what is in and make every effort to emulate it in their lives.

Privately express a great deal of anger or depression over how unfortunate and unhappy their current lifestyle is. Yet, when helped to look at alternatives involving confrontation with others, they take a ``yes, Y but'' attitude.

Are confused as to their true identity, wearing ``masks'' to please others.

Become so obsessed with functioning, looking, and acting in a ``prescribed'' manner that they become rigid, inflexible, and closed to alternative behavior. This is true even if they are unhappy in the lifeBstyle they hold to so rigidly.

Are dishonest with themselves, so much so that it carries over into their interactions with others and they become habitual liars.

There isn't any sunset that I never think of you !!

There isn't any sunset that I never think of you
When there is nothing more to say
Everything was done,
break up, And lessons learned
Tears flow from my eyes,
Lives change when people go far away
Everyone tries to explain
But no realizes the depth of the pain.
Never thought that you could ignore me
and leave me all alone
tell me where that love has gone?
All I wanna say is that I am there for you
There isn't any sunset that I never think of you.....

Two basic self-improvement principles.

 

From a high level perspective, most self-improvement knowledge can be summarized as two principles below:

1. Love yourself, work on your self-esteem. Take responsibility for how you feel/think/act. Work on reducing your ego. Do not let people/situations hurt your ego, and if hurt, do not act on the thoughts when hurt. Center your mind before you act.
2. Love others. Boost their self-esteem. Do not intentionally hurt other people’s ego.  Keep developing people skills so you will reduce the probability of even unintentionally hurting others, and increase the chance of making others feeling good about themselves and hence you. 

Let us look into these in further detail:

Principle #1:
Our ego is the single reason why we experience all the negative emotions and all the suffering.  Our ego is just a thought of who we think we are in terms of what we do, what we own, and what others think of us. The entire spiritual path is about reducing our ego. As our ego’s reduces, wisdom naturally increases, and our life gets better. Loving ourselves is very Important. Self-esteem is the critical component that determines the quality of our lives. The core teaching of self-help is that we are responsible for our lives, and that no matter what happens around us, we are responsible for how we feel. The meaning that we associate to events is what creates our feelings. By consciously assigning empowering meaning  to events, we can always control how we feel. Wisdom is in knowing that it is never others that hurt us, but we choosing to hurt ourselves by the thoughts we think.

Principle #2:
The other side of the the core self-help knowledge is to love others and make them feel valued. Although it would be great to have people around with no ego, practically speaking, all people around us have egos, just like we do. Wisdom thus lies in boosting people’s self-esteem - to make them genuinely feel good and appreciated. While it’s clear that intentionally hurting other people’s ego is not a good idea, what may not be that apparent is that we unintentionally hurt people thanks to our lack of skills in dealing with people. Much of classic self-help knowledge such as ”How to win friends and influence people” and most books on “relationship skills”  are about learning skills so that we become a master of dealing with people. There is a psychology for every situation, age group, sex, and profession. Our ignorance of human psychology leads us to untold pain in dealing with people. Becoming more and more skilled in dealing with people the right way so we do not violate principle #2 is a great asset. This part can take a long time to master, as life always leads to new situations/people in which we have not yet learnt the  proper psychology for the situation. For example, many people struggle with marriages simply because of ignorance of psychology of the opposite sex.

Many relationship problems are a result of not following these principles
Most of the relationship problems between two people, whether at home or work, happens due to people violating either principle #1 or principle #2. The patterns of all friction between two people A and B happens in one of the following ways:

1) A violates principle #1 =>  B violates principle #1
Example:
A gets angry at B due to an expectation B did not meet, and his ego is hurt. B in turn is hurt by the negative energy A is sending him, and reflects back the anger in some way. He may become hurt, depressed, sad or send back anger.

2) B violates principle #2 =>  A violates principle #1 => B violates principle #1
Example:
B unknowingly hurts A, due to some ignorance, perhaps lack of people skills. A takes that action personally, gets hurt, and sends some negative energy towards B. B in turn retalitates with negative energy.

Solution to many relationship problems lies in simply following these principles
The solution to avoiding friction between two people happens in one of the following ways:

1. A follows principle #1 => B has no problem.
2. B follows principle #2 => A has no problem.
3. A violates principle #1 =>  B still follows principle #1 => no problem  (i.e B does not retaliate)
4. B violates principle #2 =>  A still follows principle #1 => no problem  (i.e A does not retaliate)

Apply these principles on yourself, not others
The interesting thing is that even as we break one of these principles, we expect our counterpart to follow them! For example, we knowingly/unknowingly hurt the other (principle #2), but yet expect our counterpart to not act out as they do when hurt (principle #1). Or, we hurt ourselves by giving disempowering meaning to events related to what the other did (principle #1), and expect the other to make it right ( principle #2) Wisdom lies in applying these principles on ourselves, and not on our counterparts. We can only control ourselves, not others. Expecting others to comply only leads to disappointment.




The reason we are creators of our life is that regardless of whether people around us are following these principles or not, if we follow them, we are able to completely direct the experience of our life. Not following these principles leads to negative, dis-empowered and painful situations, and following these leads to positive, empowered, and happy experiences.
 

Todays Quote of the day !!

If you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. If you crush a flower, you get it's fragrance. In stressful situations, the essence of what is inside is what shows up outside. In the same way, when we are stressed by outside situations, the essence of our mind comes out as words/actions. If we are peaceful and pleasant from within, what will come out of us will also be pleasant, regardless of outside situations.

A must read ..... !!

An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need
Some form of security for the loan.

So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.

The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.

The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari
Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41.

Seeing this, loan officer says,

“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.

What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”

The Indian replies :
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".


This is a true incident and the Indian is none other than : Dr Vijay Mallaya

Dr Vijay Mallaya

Is honesty a Sin ????

In english dictionary the word "Honesty" means:

1. the quality or fact of being honest;  uprightness and fairness.

2.truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3.freedom from deceit or fraud.

I am sure like me, many of us might have heard this saying or might have said it ourselves to others "Be honest with me or I am honest with you" etc.
However, did we ever ask this question that how much honesty one can handle?
How much trust one invests to know that whatever is said/told is true?
How many people in this world are  truely honest to SELF and to other's?
Why people are afraid of being honest ?


The answer to these questions are sometimes difficult to find or easier than thought.

Have you ever noticed that when your with a complete stranger that you have met may be on your way on a flight or on a train or may be on net, you tend to share more or become more honest with that person without any fear of repercussions etc because in your mind may be you know that the person will least impact on your life etc and you risk it.At the same time you share your weaknesses also without any fear of acceptance or not.

Another example of the same is when your with your psychologist discussing something very personal with a confidence that he/she will/might help you find your way/answers and you become very honest about your lives etc.

The problem is, it requires a great deal of trust to willfully expose your weakness to others .
Now where does weakness came into the picture.Well, everyone has weaknesses and to accept those honestly is not only a brave thing but also shows the character.
To pretend that I am without weakness builds a wall around me. Yes, it may protect me from being hurt, but it also keeps out any potential friends. You can't pick and choose, really, what the outcome will be when you build that wall. The funny thing about it is that no one will really believe you anyway, if you pretend to be without weakness. News flash: we ALL have weakness!

Part of honesty is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It means giving an answer because that's how you feel, instead of answering how you think the person asking the question might want you to answer. Honesty means that you'll be wrong sometimes. Honesty means that you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. Honesty means failing. Perhaps the most difficult: honesty means coming to terms with yourself as you are, not as you wish you were, or as you wish others would see you. You can't make any improvements in your life if you don't know where your starting point is.

Trust is on the people when you fall, will be there to catch you..

Conclusion is that Trust/confidence,Vulnerable and Fear are the important factors that drives someone's extent of being honest.

However, this just doesn't stop here. You need a kind of understanding also which implies that being able to say things doesn't mean the job is done, its important to know/understand how it is being comprehended.
Many times we say something and it is understood very differently.

But in real being honest requires a lot more courage than one could think, it requires courage of the character, your inner self (how strong you are) and above all how much you believe in your self. But to the negative side of this, you don't have many people by your side and can easily be used or manipulated as you all know we live in a strange world.

But in your lifetime make sure you have someone with whom you are truely honest with atleast 1 in your lifetime.


I'm well aware of this. And I want to grow. I want to allow others into my life. But after so many years of hiding my weaknesses, I don't know how one goes about letting others (i.e., aside from my mom, who thankfully know pretty much all of my weaknesses) see who I really am.