People with Plastic and changing Faces ..... !!!

 

Most of the people who meet me for the first time may not like my upfront nature. At the same time I am a very closed person when it comes to talking about personal stuff.
In today's corporate world it is more about how much personal stuff you share with your peers or seniors. In a way the bosses expect you to be there second wife who will share everything that happens in your life and they don't even think before disclosing them in the team meetings or leadership meets etc. One of my very good friends once told me that people always warned her about me. They said to her that I am very political and double faced, that I am very dishonest etc.


Not to forget they are the same people I helped once, and they don't like me because of whatever they tried to put me down I came back up double faster.Sometimes I feel that I don't know human behavior as it always surprises me and make me feel that I am just a beginner.

It is kind of hard for me to grasp the notion of being extra sweet and accepting what happens around me with ease. In this materialistic butt kissing world, people surprise me with their actions. It has nothing to do with respect or manners as opposed to doing the right thing. I don’t like someone, I am not going to waste my energy or wave away my principles to wear a fake smile on my face just to appear sweet and be good in their eyes. In today’s world people wear more plastic on their faces than the Tupperware Company has globally. 

I hate two faced people, It's hard to decide which face to slap first. We go through life and meet a lot of people. Some make you happy, some make you smile, some can be counted and then there are some whom you would rather not have ever met. There are lots of reasons that would make you want to avoid meeting certain people like they are mean or evil. Mainly though I am talking about personality types which are difficult to deal with and just better to be avoided all together. Sometimes it takes some time before we realize a person we know is on the bad list. Some of us take longer than others to connect the dots.

Like the two faces of a coin we come across the double faced people in our lives. They are nice to you and then turn around and say the worse things ever about. We all are polite to most people and might be inclined to say mean things when we are with people whom we trust but such people usually do this all the time and have another agenda.

Over the time I learned that the best way to deal with them is to stay away from them. The problem is that sometimes you might not have that option. Once you have been back stabbed or betrayed, you always have the option of confrontation, people who feel the need to act that way are usually cowards and can be scared off by just telling them that you know what they’re doing, of course they will deny but it will stop them for some time.

I have now after suffering with being so close to some of them found that the best way is to not tell them anything, not to get close and to keep all conversations to a minimum of small talk. Never ever go down to their level and do what they usually have a habit to do. Avoid private time with them if you can too, be cordial and polite but don’t get sucked into the little soap operas that seem to always unfold around them. Stay away from situations where they gossip and make it clear that you are nice enough to deal with everyone. If you can’t stay away ignore them and never agree with them or offer your opinion on someone else or they will turn around, twist your words and use them against you somehow, they are double crosser by definition.

After coming across some of them, the ones that were once so close and dear to me that i still sometimes feel the same love and respect for them but I guess that is me not them,one faced the same me who never changed or will change being myself or the true self. It really annoys me and I never really understand how they are like that. They were talking to me and being openly friendly the whole time to my face. I am a very honest and sincere and have been true to everyone in my life. I may say I am not perfect but I'm not rude, cruel and diplomat like them and if I have an issue with someone I will prefer to tell them. We have to accept that we are all hypocrites to some degree. It is only natural for everyone to put their own interests first. We must trust others in order to survive but that trust must be tempered with good judgment. Often our expectations of others are not realistic and we end up hurt. So it is better if we accept the least and I would appreciate if even others try to be honest with me .Do not allow the lies and filth that spew from the mouths of the uneducated and cruel garner your spirit, allow no pain from those that are of mean and devious mind. Feel only pity and contempt for them .In this way they will be diminished and vanquished.

To better understand yourself and others, develop more Empathy .. By sudhir Krishnan

Empathy is getting into another person’s being and to be able to live the other person’s life for a few moments, so we understand their perspective better. Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is feeling for the other, while wearing our own shoes - I.e in sympathy one does not get into another person’s shoes. The ability to walk in other people’s shoes and feel what they feel is empathy.

Each individual is unique. Each of us come with different past experiences, conditioning and beliefs, and thus it is highly unlikely that two people agree on all points with the other. Take any post on this page and go through all the comments - you will see proof of this happening every single day. A person lacking empathy is more likely to judge and criticize others, as any other perspective that disagrees with his views simply appear wrong to him. Such a person is able to see only through the lens he is used to seeing, and not through the lens that others are wearing.

Empathy for others can be developed by asking ourselves questions such as the following and genuine feeling the answers:

• How would it feel to be sick and depressed all the time?
• How would it feel to be unemployed youth with lot of responsibility on your shoulder?
• How would it feel to be a 5 year old?
• How would it feel to be a child with learning disabilities?
• How would it feel to be a illegal alien struggling in the US?
• How would it feel to be in your 70s and no children to take care of you?

In addition to understanding others, empathy can also be used to develop more self-awareness. All of us play various roles - that of parent, spouse, child, employee etc. To know more about ourselves, we can look at ourselves objectively form the perspective of our counterparts in the roles we play. To develop more self-awareness, we can ask ourselves question like the following,  and answer them as objectively as possible:

• How would I feel to have a mother/father like me if I were my child?
• How would I feel to have a spouse like me if I were my spouse?
• How would I feel to have a son like me if I were my own son?
• How would I feel to have a friend like me if I were my own friend?
• How would I feel to have a manager like me if I were my employee?
• How would I feel to have a facebook page author like me if I were my page fan?

Empathy is a great quality to develop within us. A person with empathy is able to communicate better as he is not limited to his own views. Empathy helps a person to be more self-aware, more sensitive to the needs of others, more accepting of opposing points of view, and consequently makes for a more harmonious relationship with self and others. Developing empathy is developing comapassion for others - it is living with more wisdom.